why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
