She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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