How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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