I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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