I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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