if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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