Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
