I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
either way he was missing a nipple.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize