Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
