I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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