Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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