do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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