Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
