drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Fuck appropriateness.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
