I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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