he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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