Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
