I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
