If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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