she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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