ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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