break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
