...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
