it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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