im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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