tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
