rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
