I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
