they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
