Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
