I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize