3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
