im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
