do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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