Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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