I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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