So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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