No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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