I am puke
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
