I wish I could teleport
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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