bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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