I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found the puke drawer
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Alive.
So much puke
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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