He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
