I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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