O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize