No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
