then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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