oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
