So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
