some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
