My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize