South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
