i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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