First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
