I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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