I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
