Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
