you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize