i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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