Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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