The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
