I got chris browned last night
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
