you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
