Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
