ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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