a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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